Am at my desk trying to work my *** off, but boy! its proving to be hard.
I am thinking of this one guy who I can say has 'stolen' my heart and mind.
I have not seen him in like two and a half weeks. Quite a short while, 17 days to be exact.
He went away to far away land to expand his horizon. 

Biggest secret ever, no one should know about it..Shhhhhh....do not even think about it.
But here I am thinking about him and writing about him.

This is crazy...Totally.
Grandma says " don't go getting confused" but here I am thinking about you and getting all confused.

Biggest secret ever, no one should know about it..Shhhhhh....do not even think about it.
But here I am thinking about him and writing about him.

I was on what I refer to as 'my spot', on a not too busy street in town.
Whenever my ride back home takes a while longer, I sit there with a bag of chips and watch the people.
One Thursday evening my ride took longer than expected. Seated at my spot, I watched as people walked on by.
People from all walks of life passed by my spot. Most were clad in official wear; dresses, skirts and trouser suits and the likes. 
I got distracted by the lady seated beside me.
She seemed cold and deep in thought.
She was clad in a black turban, a thick black and grey cotton jacket, brown, black and white flowery skirt. Black sandack (plastic, rubber like) shoes. Black seemed to be her theme colour.
Arms tightly folded on her chest, head stooped low.
Once in a while she looked up and laughed or smiled to herself.
Finally my ride came by and I had to say goodbye to 'my spot' and my distraction that evening.

 

My emotional side of life is totally complicated, confusing and somewhat twisted.
When it got this way, I don't really know but it feels as though its been that way forever.

Right now I could punch someone to feel much better.
Or maybe screaming will do, but then again it doesn't seem as though it will be of any help.

Aaaaaaaarrgh!!!|Could it all just change, the complications, the confusion and somewhat twisted.
I want to let it all out.

There is a bit of my heart that feels pain.
You know, the one where you want to reap your heart out.

Maybe I should try it out, not literally though.
Ok!I dont know what all do but the pain needs to go away like yesterday.

Whatever happened to the girl I used to know.
I should find her and all will be well.

I know! I know!
Should totally PRAY. I havent done so in a while.

I took this on Sunday. One of my best days this past few months

I need the Lord to guide my everyday steps
I seem to have lost my way.

ITS TIME TO MAKE THAT MUCH NEEDED CHANGE IN MY LIFE.

Unshakeable Belief

By Maryanne Boro

“Faith is not the belief that God will do what you want. It is the belief that God will do what is right.” Says Max Lucado in his book, ‘He Still Moves Stones’. I am faced with a challenge, though not like Moses in leading the Israelites out of Egypt, but mine, is on how to develop an amazing piece on the meaning of religious faith. Some people base religious faith on dressing up, going to church for entertainment and others on action like participating in church activities. As I ponder towards the subject, I remember what my Sunday school teacher said. “Faith is having belief in something you cannot see.” That statement did not make much sense back then, but now it does. But really in totality I think its belief in God. You are probably asking, how, having gone through different circumstances in life that were risky and unsure, I have been required to have faith.

Being a Christian, certain circumstances have caused me to understand what religious faith is. When I was in class seven, my mum fell ill, a few days before my confirmation. I was in boarding school and could not go to see her in hospital. My brother kept me updated daily on how she was. At that time he was in class 3. I wrote letters every day to remind everyone about the confirmation but was still worried that no one would show up. On the confirmation day in September 2003, I stood at the pulpit with my fellow classmates, to receive the Body of Christ. I was very excited to see my mum. I was so glad she was no longer in pain. During the period when she was in hospital, I would pray that she would get better and that I am not forgotten on that particular day. It may have sounded like a selfish prayer, but I did not want mum to miss it. To me, that showed my understanding of religious faith.

The subject on religious faith is God’s way of showing Christians that without Him being physically here with us. We should still acknowledge His presence as the true Savior of mankind. Don’t you so too? Dressing up on Sunday and going to church to some people shows how faithful they are. But I differ after carefully reflecting on what my Media and Christianity lecturer once said in class, “going to church is a culture and not a reflection of one’s faith.” From her words I gathered that faith is one’s relationship between God and man .Believing that God is my personal Savior and professing about to it to family, friends and those in my journey of life.

You have probably heard or read the Bible story of Abraham. If that is not a true definition of religious faith, then I do not know what faith is. Abraham and his wife Sarah believed in other gods but chose to believe in God not due to religion, but faith. Firstly, he and his wife Sarah were growing very old and did not have children. God spoke to Abraham and promised, them that in their old age they would be blessed with a son. At first it seemed a joke, honestly even if it was me, I would be shocked and also think that God was pulling my leg. Secondly, when Isaac their son was born, God asked Abraham to sacrifice him. Fast forward that story to this time and age. It would probably be, let’s call her Hellen sacrificing her only daughter Ruth. Hellen would be charged with several crimes like man slaughter in a court of law. But then I stop and think that in God’s plan, He intended it to be Abraham, Sarah and Isaac’s story, which would be relevant at all, times (school, church, etc.)

School and church have taught me that religious faith is indeed a big topic and that God should be accorded all the respect. So for a pastor to get a lady of the night to lie to an entire congregation about the healing power of God pegs certain questions, do you as a Christian  understand God? Do you know testing God is wrong? I bet the pastor knew all the answers to the questions mentioned but he opted to fulfill his earthly desires. I am of the opinion that if you cannot lead your ‘flock’ to be better Christians, leave that work to those who can.

Religious faith is portrayed in various ways through our experiences. Another Bible story on faith comes to mind. The one on Hannah, Elikanah, Peninah and Samuel. Hannah had been a faithful servant of God but she did not have any children. She always prayed to God to bless her with a child and promised that the child would be of service to God. Peninah her co-wife always said the worst about Hannah. On the other hand, Elikanah, their husband encouraged Hannah not to give up, because one day her blessing would come. God answered Hannah’s prayer. She named the child Samuel and he became a great prophet in the land of Israel. Despite the criticism and offence Hannah heard from Peninah, she showed continuous faith in God...I therefore think that being faithful is also about keeping the promises we make.

During the Christmas holiday, my family and I usually go on a shopping spree for household items, clothes and shoes. Until recently (two years ago to be precise), we would go to Eastleigh to buy jeans at a cheaper bargain. I could not help but notice how the Muslim faithful would close shop to pray to Allah, even with customers around. From that, I picked up an important lesson, Prayer is one of the ways of portraying one’s religious faith and we can talk to God whenever, wherever. We do not have to be alone in order to pray.

Looking back I would not have made it without the help from the Almighty God, friends and family in my journey through life. My opinion is that one’s religious faith is a personal choice and that, faith is not the belief that God will do what you want. It is the belief that God will do what is right.

THIRTEEN YEARS DOWN THE ROAD

We were a family; my father, mother, brother and I.

Dad and mum set out to start a family together. Married at a young age, they lived happily and were financially stable. By their fifth wedding anniversary God blessed them with two wonderful children, Susan and Drew.

Dad, the first born in his family, was the stronghold in his new family. 5’7 foot tall, dark skinned and slender: the tall, dark and handsome guy most girls want to have in their lives. He was loving, kind and link between the extended and immediate family. Dad loved his family very much and treated his two girls; mum and me, like princesses and his son like a king. My brother Drew seems to be a daily reminder of him. I always think of it as God’s way of showing us that dad is still with us.

Family outings were the best. We enjoyed taking photographs, eating out and simply having fun. Dad and I would go shopping, in fact there is this one time he bought me red leather shoes with fine black detail on the side. I loved them so much I wore them almost every day.

Mum on the other hand is the last born in her family.Beautiful, of medium height and fair skinned. She is slow to anger, funny, very talkative, patient, loving and our strength whenever life gets tough for us. She loves to sing at all times, be it whenhappy or sad. “Susan, niweke pale kawimbo kangu”.Munduiririby Carol Wanjiru.Since Dad passed on thirteen years ago, she has been our mum and dad and also our strength.

When dad passed on, my brother and I were too young to understand it all. I was eight and he was four years old.  Mum explained it to us that dad had gone to heaven and when we would go there, we would see him again. I wept that night and on the day of his funeral service, and I still do at times.  We still have pictures of him hanged on the wall. A reminder that his family has not forgotten him and that he is still with us. 

As I am busy putting my thoughts together, I remember when my brother, decided to pee on the stove. When dad got wind of it and the beating he received! I still laugh at him whenever we go down memory lane.

Thirteen years down the road and I am happy to say that we are all doing fine. Mum is still working and providing the best life for us. Drew is now in his final year of high school, studying hard. When Dad left he was just about to start school. How time flies. As for me, I am about to finish my undergraduate degree and start working.  Despite all this, sometimes I wonder if life would be any different if you were here, especially during the hard times. 

There was this one night I really wished you were there. I remember it like it was yesterday. 9 pm, I went to sleep. 10pm, “Fungua!” Mum heard an authoritative voice say. At first she thought it was my cousin, but on peeping outside she saw six men. She quickly woke me up and opened the door fearfully. Four wereneighbourswhile the other two, police officers. One was armed. “Tumekuja kukupeleka ndani,” one of the neighbours’ said. His tree next to our ‘shamba’ had been bent and he blamed us for it. The neighbors’ had now come to seek justice for the tree.  Despite them looking down on me because of my size, I confronted them over the issue.Mum on other hand, was too angry and put them in their place while also avoiding arrest. They were the ones on the wrong. They had been cutting down the crops in mum’s shamba but we had notreported them. On realizing that they had come to threaten us,the police officers requested the four men to leave. 11.30 pm, they left leaving us very shocked. From the incident I realized mum was one tough cookie. “Do not let anyone intimidate you” Mum always tellsus whenever we talk about that night.

We are family, my mother, brother and me.

*names have been changed